The BCS Song

'Tis the season, so I thought I would re-write an old classic to reflect the college football bowl games ahead...enjoy!  And Happy Holidays!

(To the tune of “The Christmas Song” (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire))

Bowl Game Rankings, Every team’s desire

Saben nipping at your heels

LSU and Honey Badger will never tire

But ‘Bama’s defense is dressed to kill

Everybody knows Oregon and LaMicheal James

Helped to make the title game a fight

Pac-12 fans with their eyes on these games

Will find it hard to sleep on selection night

They know that Larry Scott is on his way

Armed with stats that give Stanford a say

And every Cardinal player is going to spy

To see if Phoenix is where they will fly

And so I’m offering this simple phrase

To fans of Boise State and Arkansas too

Although it’s been opposed many times, many ways

A very merry Bowl Series to you!

When Fantasy (football) Becomes Reality

Dating is a lot like Fantasy Football: you have to rotate your most viable options in their most favorable positions for maximum output.  Put simply, you try to get the most from your roster of men.  Maximum effort from your starting players + strategic placement by you, according to their statistics and performance = best results (hopefully.)   All this strategizing and searching is for one thing: that elusive, consistent, dependable starting quarterback. 

For those of us unfamiliar with the world of online fantasy sports, here is a quick cheat sheet to help you organize your own all-star roster.  We have the illustrious Lance Mathes to thank for the creation of this seriously addictive online community in the 1980’s, but we have the majority of the men in our lives to thank for making it a cult classic.  Basically, the league was born from the ashes of fiery sports feuds between athletic enthusiasts arguing the dominance of one player over another.  Thus the need for a point system was established; a way to rank players based on simple performance ground rules.  These ground rules morphed into league rules and became a Mecca for sports fans everywhere as well as the athlete’s they rank, who both fear and respect the fluctuating rankings.  Today it is estimated that over 19 million people compete in public and private leagues online nationally.  Which means that it is easier to get a guy to compete with you head-to-head in fantasy football than to ask you out on a date.

Head-to-head fantasy football is the kind I am talking about, as I believe it is the only type worth playing.  It is a lot like taking your roster of men and comparing them to your friend’s; winner takes all.  Before we get to that elusive victory though, we have to start where all leagues start: the draft.  The fantasy draft is a lot like the NFL draft, picking up players when it is your turn, with the option to drop or trade later on.  The dating draft is more like a free for all.  While some “leagues” of friends honor “dibs,” usually it is every girl for herself.  While drafting is key in fantasy football and requires intensive research and planning, in the dating world, there is definite strength in numbers.  Statistically speaking, the more options you have, the more likely you will find that franchise player to build your strategy around.

Once you have filled your roster with a number of viable players, then comes the hard part: assessing each players strengths and weaknesses to figure out where and what their roles on your team will be.  They way to do this is through observation and research, logging as many viewing hours as you can.  Now, I’m not recommending you become a stalker, but recon work is a must if you want to avoid any unsuitable players.  There are no scouting reports in life, so it’s up to you ladies. 

After all this research, you must divide your players into “starters” and “bench” players.  Whether to sit or start a player is based on several factors: past performance, expected performance, who they will be up against, what atmosphere they will be in and so on.   After that, you have to divide the players into 7 generally accepted groups:

(1) Quarterback

(2) Running Backs

(3) Wide Receivers

(1) Tight End

(1) Placekicker

(1) Team defense/Special Teams

(6) Bench players

You must think carefully about what each guy on your roster brings to the table.  Does he seem like a leader, someone other guys look up to?  If so, then he’s a quarterback.  Can he “carry” conversation even when others try to interrupt him?  If so, then he is a running back.  Is he capable of catching anything you throw at him and running with it?  He is clearly a wide receiver then.  Can he tackle difficult problems and situations, thus paving the way for you?  If so, then he is definitely a tight end.  When putting players into each of these designated spots, use careful consideration, because although they can be moved around after each week, you want to try and get it right the first time around. Bragging rights are worth their weight in points in any league. 

The points system is a little more complicated to explain and can vary from league to league.  Players on your roster earn points each week based on their performance.  In fantasy football, players earn points for touchdowns, passing, rushing and receiving yards.  Players can also lose points for things like turnovers and interceptions.  In dating, the point system is a little more cut and dry: guys earn points for being nice and courteous and lose them for being jerks.  The girl with the most points, earned by having the best and nicest guys with the most thoughtful moves wins.  See, fantasy football isn’t that hard to figure out.

Jump on: How to become a college basketball “Bandwagon” fan in 5 easy steps.

Tis the season!  January, February and March mean many different things to different people: fresh starts, new promises, broken promises, celebrations of love, singles awareness, black history, St. Patrick’s Day and more.  But for me they mean one thing: basketball. Of the college variety.  So what if you haven’t caught the March Madness bug yet?  So what if you are sick of the multitude of games showing on every sports channel in your area any given day or night of the week?  Stop complaining and be proactive.  If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!  Here are my 5 tips to becoming a convincing “bandwagon” fan for the team of your choice.

1.)Location, Location, Location.  Hey, it works for the real estate business.  But seriously, the best way to convince others you are a true fan is to choose a team near where you live.  People are less likely to question your loyalty if you share the same state, area code or zip code of your school de jour.  For example, when I meet Yankee’s fans that live in my bay area, I always call into question their loyalty, being that they live in Giants and Athletics territory and are cheering for a team all the way across the country.  If you choose to represent a team that falls in this category, which I only encourage at your own risk, there are two acceptable options to back up your credibility.  The first is to claim that you are originally from this far away place, which is risky given that you may run into someone who knows more about your supposed “old home town” then you.  The other option is to say that your parents raised you as a fan of said far away team.  Most people will not question familial ties.  If you are reading this and live in the Bay Area, I recommend Stanford, Cal or St. Mary’s in that order.

2.) Mascot.  This is important because people WILL test your knowledge on this subject, so make sure you choose a school whose mascot you can pronounce, remember and explain if the occasion calls for it.  One way to ensure success in this area is to choose a college that has the same mascot as the high school you attended.  Not only will you remember, but also as a bonus you can re-use your old gear and pass it off as support for your new school.  For example, if your high school mascot was the wildcat, take a look at Kentucky, who is also the Wildcats.  If you were the Spartans, then Michigan State is the team for you.  If you do decide to go the more obscure route, like the St. Mary’s Gaels or the University of San Francisco Dons, it would help to know that a Gael is a British knight and a Don is Spanish bandit, much like Zorro. I would like to put to bed the myth that all girls pick their favorites by choosing the team with the “prettiest” colors.  This is outrageous.  While there are some girls that do that, most of us are a little more knowledgeable.  Give us a little credit.  When choosing a team, the mascot and color scheme go together.  I suggest again looking at teams that had similar colors to your high school for an easy and inexpensive way to “show your colors.”  Also if you are a professional sports person and already have a steady team, it’s not a bad idea to match up colors.  For example, if you are a Lakers fan, purple and gold, then you might want to consider LSU.  Or if you prefer Celtics green, then check out the Oregon Ducks. 

3.) Terminology.  Now that you are fitted to walk the walk, you have to outfit your vocabulary so you can talk the talk.  Even if you know nothing about basketball, there are several key words and phrases to learn that can hide your ignorance.  First, rankings refer to the number in front of the team’s name, indicating how good they are and where they stand on a national level.  Rivalry week is pretty self-explanatory, as long as you know who your rival is.  A “bucket” is a basket and generally worth two points.  A “technical” is an especially aggressive and abrasive foul, causing the other team to shoot 2 free throws unguarded.  “And one” means that a player was fouled going to the basket and managed to get their shot off, make it and get a free throw in the process.  And if you cant pronounce Mike Krzyzewski, the head coach of the Duke Blue Devils, then forget about it. (Its said like Sha-shef-ski)  Just call him Coach K.

4.) Research.  Now that you have chosen your school, we come to the most important step in this process: inform yourself so you can defend your choice to others.  I’m not talking about extensive research, but the more you know the less your loyalty will be called into question and the more debates and spirited conversation you can join in.  The basic information you should know is this: what league they play in (ACC, Big 10, Big 12, Pac-10), who their biggest rival is (Cal v. Stanford, Duke v. North Carolina), best and most notable player or players, their record (wins and losses) and strength of schedule (who they play that is ranked or outside their conference).  Other than that, how deep you go is up to you.  But the more tidbits and smaller facts you can remember, the better off you are.

5.) Conviction.  The last step involves taking all the information you have garnered about your new bandwagon team and putting it to good use.  Always defend your team, even when they lose and do so passionately.  Stick to your guns.  The more emotion you convey when talking about your team, the more believable you will be.  It is ok to get visibly upset when your team loses or overly excited when they win.  Throw around some of your new vocabulary, make confident comments about the game you are watching and stand by what you say, even if there is suspicion that you may be wrong.  Sports fans are a stubborn bunch so don’t back down until someone pulls up Google or Wikipedia on their cell phone. 

Welcome to my world!  Fake it until you make it, and I guarantee that when March rolls around you will find yourself getting caught up in the magic of the tournament.

The Road to March is paved with….

…good percentages.

Take the number one team in the nation, Ohio State.  The Buckeyes are approximately 50% (field goal percentage), 68% (free throw percentage), and 40% (3 point percentage) while they average 78 points per game, they only turn over the ball on average 11 times per game and they have only 259 turnovers total this season.  This is why they are 24-0, undefeated and ranked as high as they are, holding their own in the fierce Big 10. It doesn’t hurt that their best player, Jared Sullinger, averages 18 points per game.  Percentages are everything in college basketball; you can boast an all-star roster, but if you can’t keep your turnover ratio low and your field goal, 3 point, and free throw percentages high…forget about it! 

I don’t care if you average an impressive 27.6 points per game, Jimmer Fredette, and if your Cougars are ranked number 7 in the nation; you still play in the Mountain West and when you step into the big arena come March, bring your stat book.  While BYU is 45.4%, 74.5% and 36.6%, they do have a comparable 11 turnovers per game and only 262 turnovers for the season so far.  Their points per game is a high 83, but given the conference and strength of schedule, I am not surprised. 

The team that is going to give Ohio State the most trouble in the polls and on the court, when they eventually meet, is Kansas.  Percentage wise, they are right on Ohio State’s heels with a 52% field goal percentage, a 66.7% free throw percentage and a 38.6 three point percentage.  They have a high 83 points per game and twin brothers Marcus and Markieff Morris averaging 16.7% and 13.1%, respectively.  Their weakness is clear though in the 14 turnovers per game average, the highest of the top 7 ranked teams and the 312 turnovers they have accumulated this season.  I have faith in Bill Self’s ability to rectify these sloppy numbers come tournament time. 

Close behind the Jayhawks is Texas.  The Longhorns are averaging 46.6% field goals, 46.7% free throws and 38.5% three pointers. Solid numbers, though slightly lower than the top two teams above them.  They average 76 points per game, which is good given their tough Big 12 conference.  The turnovers per game are high at 13, with 289 total turnovers for the season.  Texas’s leading scorer is Jordan Hamilton, averaging 18.9 points per game so far this season and a player of special note is freshman Tristan Thompson who also contributes an impressive 12.7 points per game for the Longhorns. 

Another Mountain West darling, San Diego State University graces us with their presence in the top 10, coming in at number 6 this week in the polls. Everyone’s favorite Cinderella team is taking off their glass slipper and standing on their own merit.  They average 48.1% field goal points, 67.2% at the free thrown line and a bit of a low 35% from the three point arc.  They are averaging 73 points per game, respectable for the Mountain West team and their high scorer is Kawhi Leonard with 15 points per game contributed.  The numbers that’s et them apart is their low turnovers: only averaging 11 per game with a total of 264 for the season.  Their 23-1 record is notable, with their only loss to fellow conference members and 7^th ranked BYU in a heart breaking game for the Aztecs.

Last but not least, the reigning kings of March, the Duke Blue Devils.  Many think that Coach K’s team can’t repeat again, given the quality of teams they are stacked against this year, but percentage wise they are more than capable.  They average 47.8% field goals, and impressive 74.1% from the free throw line and 39.5% from the arc, which is just behind Ohio State.  They average 73 points per game, which is good for the ACC.  They only turn the ball over an average of 12 times per game with a total of 283 for the season so far.  Notable players include Nolan Smith and returning senior Kyle Singler, who average 21 and 18 points per game respectively. 

As an avid college basketball fan, I can attest to the fact that come tournament time, all these number can all but be thrown out the window, so to speak.  But they are important until then; they pave the way.  Percentages lead to good RPI and high rankings, which in turn leads to good seeding come tournament time.  So sharpen your pencils and get out your comp books and keep track.  I know I will be.  

From Grade Books to Play Books.

With the NFL draft looming on the horizon, here is a statistic for all you avid fans: nearly 4% of division one college football players get drafted each year. Does that seem high or low to you?  Think about it like this:  There are 117 division 1 college teams and on average about 80 players per team. That is a little over 9300 players.  There are 250 players drafted each year.  So one could say that on any give team there could be 1-2 future NFL players.  We know that is not the case with every team in division 1 football; some will have more and some will have none.  But 250 seems like a lot doesn’t it?  How does someone poised to break into the “big leagues” turn down being in that coveted 4%?

Maybe they make a “Pro” and “Con” list.

• Pro-College: keg parties, college coeds, big man on campus. 
• Con-College: Early AM classes, term papers, dorm rooms. 
• Pro-Pro: Signing bonuses, financial stability, childhood dream. 
• Con-Pro: little fish in a big pond, CBA, new hometown. 

If only it were that simple.  What we, the public, are not privy to are the factors that go into this heavy hitting decision.  For example, Andrew Luck shocked the nation when he decided to spend one more year on the Farm instead of entering the draft, as THE first round pick.  There have been many articles slamming Luck’s decision as  “rookie-esque”. Turning down an NFL career to finish his degree? Almost unheard of.  While it is true that student-athletes benefit from an education, they can risk injury that subsequently results in damage to their future career.  That is a risk Luck is willing to take.  And why not when you are prepared to return as the number one quarterback, with a 5^th ranked team and a new coach that runs the same Harbaugh-style offense. 

Education was surely not the only factor in Luck’s or any other college football player’s decision.  They have to consider the following:

•                Current draft status

•                Potential to improve draft status by returning to school

•                Potential for injury if returning to school

•                Potential NFL work stoppage/labor issues

•                Personal finances

•                Personal desire to return to school

A player must evaluate how prepared he is to succeed early in his NFL career.  There is no such thing as an absolute certainty in the NFL draft process. Recent history has shown that the odds of failure are far greater for underclassmen quarterbacks taken in Round 1 as opposed to senior prospects, which is something Luck probably factored into his decision.

Busts or disappointing


JaMarcus Russell (No. 1 overall, 2007)

Vince Young (No. 3 overall, 2006)


Alex Smith (No. 1 overall, 2005)

Rex Grossman (No. 22 overall, 2003)

Michael Vick (No. 1 overall, 2001)


Tim Couch (No. 1 overall, 1999)


Ryan Leaf (No. 2 overall, 1998)


Heath Shuler (No. 3 overall, 1994)

Successful


Ben Roethlisberger (No. 11 overall, 2004)




Aaron Rodgers (No. 24 overall, 2005)


Trent Dilfer (No. 6 overall, 1994)

Take Bill Parcells' famous quarterback list, for example:

• ·      He must be a senior
• ·      He must be a graduate
• ·      He must be a three-year starter
• ·      He must have at least 23 wins

Still, percentages and even the criteria of a man like Parcells would not have scared Luck off. The 2009 draft is proof that teams are more than willing to overlook the percentages, if they feel strongly enough about the individual. Matthew Stafford(Lions, No. 1 overall), Mark Sanchez (Jets, No. 5) and Josh Freeman(Buccaneers, No. 17) all failed to meet each of the above criteria, but each has given his team hope early in his career.  Immaturity and/or collegiate systems that did not translate well to the NFL led to most of the aforementioned busts/disappointments. Neither of those things is an issue for Luck, who is mature beyond his years and has played in a pro-style system under a former NFL quarterback. Plus, Luck has 25 starts under his belt at the 2010 season's end and a completion percentage of 70.7%.  He will play in a possible 15-20 games next season under new head coach David Shaw, with a chance to improve all aspects of his game, win that elusive Heisman and take his team to the BCS national championship. What more could a college athlete ask for?

The fact of the matter is that it takes a certain kind of guy to forgo the money and glamour that draws guys to the NFL in favor of what’s right and what is important.  Values are what define us as human beings, and although they differ among us all, we can all agree that sticking to one’s guns is not always the easiest route and definitely the one less travelled.  Just look at Pat Tillman, a true American hero.  It may not have worked out the way he or his family wanted, but he stood by what he believed in, which in this writer’s opinion is priceless.  You can’t put a salary cap on that. 

(All stats, numbers and names are drawn from the ESPN.com database)